ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He felt like a one man threesome
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
