Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
