I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
