Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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