Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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