I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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