Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
