Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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