I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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