is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
