She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
