I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
