I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
