I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
