I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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