Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
