i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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