dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
