like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize