it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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