Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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