the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think my mom watched the whole time
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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