when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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