There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
