i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
