How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
