I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize