we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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