She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
