I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
