that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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