i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
