That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
