literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
