You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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