You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
