So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize