And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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