i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
