just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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