i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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