i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
