went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
