my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
