so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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