I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
