I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
