tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Barsexuality is the new black.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
