when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
