I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
