Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
