If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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