she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
