Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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