Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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