Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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