I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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