If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
