you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
