pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
