Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
