There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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