took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
