I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you win again, gameday.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
