"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Buhtt sex?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
