i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
