I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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