At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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