btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
