he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
