I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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