I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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