I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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