Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
is wine microwaveable?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
