I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
