hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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