Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
