Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
