oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
