I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
