I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
